Reflections by Kris

OK, so about 4 months ago my blog provider announced they would no longer support IE 6.0 as of mid-July. I do the majority of my blogging using my work laptop; my employer has not upgraded to IE 7.0 yet. And has no plans to do so anytime soon. Given that it's my work laptop, I have no administration rights on the device to upgrade IE or install a different browser.

So - I'm pretty much locked out of my blog. Or so I thought. Once the cutover to the new user interface was complete - I could still use it, even with IE 6.0.  I didn't question it - it worked, right.

Last Thursday, the UI stopped working. I got a nasty error message with no other options.  My provider has been trying to work with me to figure out what happened - and make it work again.

It seems ... they can't. In fact, even if somehow they can make it work again, I'll eventually have the same problem when they do another system upgrade to the UI.

So - I have a decision to make. I do have a laptop at home (I'm using it right now) but time and energy at home is minimal for blogging.  I am investigating my own domain name and a host site to work in the background. But that will take a little time to put together if that's what I'm going to do.

Until I get all this figured out, blogging will be light. 

Please excuse us while we continue to address technical difficulties.

Dammit!

So my boss took the day off today.  I had a new therapy appt. last night (no definitely not physical torture, but a new alternative therapy for my hip; I'll talk about it when there is more to say) and told him I would tentatively work from home today, just as a fallback in case the therapy appt. didn't agree with me.

His response?

"Kris, I'm not even going to be here on Friday; I don't care what you do."

Oh yeah baby, working from home. Well ... let's be honest - monitoring.

Me loves me some technology.

This is pretty cool. Not the usual tell us about yourself kind of thing.  Idea stolen from Running Mad, a new blog discovered thru The Extended Table. Good stuff in both!

So here we go.

#1: What is your current relationship status?

#2: What is your current mood?

#3: Who is your favorite band/singer? (this one varies by day sometimes...)

#4. What is your favorite movie?

#5. What pets do you have?

#6: Where do you live?

#7. Where do you work?

#8: Who do you look like?

I look like - myself!

#9. What do you drive?

#10. What did you do last Saturday?

#11. What did you do last Sunday?

#12: What is your favorite TV show? (I really don't watch much television)

#13. Describe yourself.

#14. What is your favorite candy?

There you have it. Me, in pictures, at least for today. And the best part of this? No tagging!

The Hubby and I try to have some kind of "date night" periodically.  It's far too tempting to just go home after work, eat a hastily prepared dinner and collapse.  Add in errands, housework, etc...and you have weekends.  Doesn't lend itself to relaxation and connection.

About every 4-6 weeks, we go out to dinner at our favorite restaurant and then go see a show.  We both love the theater and are blessed with 2 incredible venues about 30 minutes from our home, both located in Hartford. 

That restaurant? Bin 228. A wine bar and panini grill.  The food is to die for. We've been going here for years now, to the point where everyone there knows us and we even have a "special table" that is set aside for us whenever we have reservations. We've eaten just about everything on the menu and have never, in all these years, had a disappointing meal. From salad to appetizer to entree to dessert - always a gustatory feast.

And the wine...did I mention the wine? They have a fantastic wine list; not too large but everything on it is spectacular. And while there are selections that are wallet-busters, the majority of the list is affordable - by the glass or bottle. Our favorites? Le Volte and Colpetrone Montefalco Rosso.  Both are Italian red wines known as Super Tuscans.  They are blends of various varietals including Cabernet, Sangiovese and Merlot. These are spicy wines, with hints of nutmeg, pepper, currants, blackberries and earthy flavors. We find that as robust as they are, they go with just about everything - from a sexy cheese platter to roasted chicken to a thick juicy steak to a decadent chocolate dessert.

After dinner, we head off to the theater.

Hartford Stage has been a nationally-recognized regional theater for 45 years, launching many plays to Off-Broadway or Broadway, winning such awards as Tony, Obie and NY Critics Circle.  We have been lucky to be season ticket holders for nearly 10 years, seeing an average of 8-9 shows per year.  We've seen Olympia Dukakis, Annalee Jeffries, Joan Plowright and most notably, Jean Stapleton, whom we also met. (She is petite, full of energy and just a very sweet, soft-spoken person.) We've seen comedies, tragedies, musicals and Shakespeare.

This past Friday evening, we went to Hartford Stage to see Ella - a musical study of the life of Ella Fitzgerald. My god it was a fantastic show.  The performer - Tina Fabrique - has such a powerhouse voice. So pure and easy. And MAN can she sing and scat like Ella! Of course the music is classic - Gershwin, Cole Porter, Johnny Mercer - these are songs that no matter your age, everyone just knows them. Foot stomping, body bouncing music from a 4 piece band and the singer. 2 standing ovations and one encore. A perfect evening at the theater.

We are also very fortunate to have a Broadway-style theater in Hartford. The Bushnell has been around since 1930, bringing incredible plays, musicals, and other forms of stage entertainment to Hartford.  From chamber music to chatfests to comedy shows to Broadway musicals - The Bushnell offers a little bit of everything. We have been blessed over the years to see things like The Lion King, Aida, Mama Mia! (before the movie...), Movin' Out, Stomp, Ladysmith Black Mambazo, Wicked. The list continues like that. 

We may not make a date night weekly, but when we do make one - we go all out!

Well...after a few stressful hours I am back up and running here at Reflections by Kris.  My provider has decided to no longer support Internet Explorer v6.0 on their Admin site. Since I typically do most of my blogging using my work PC - which uses IE6 - my blogging time will be limited from now on; I'm not allowed to upgrade or install software on my work PC. So I will be blogging from home. (They had a hiccup last night that locked me out from my home PC - that is thankfully fixed.)

Which is a bummer. It's a whole new schedule at the end of the news day. Not that my site is on the cutting edge of breaking news - LOL - but still, I read so much during the day but won't be able to share my thoughts until nighttime.

My employer has not immediate plans to upgrade to a newer version of IE. What can I say - they are wed fully to MicroSoft. Because IE is impossible to do simple upgrades when you have hundreds of web pages dependent up an individual version, I'm stuck. 

I admit that when my home laptop is replaced - hopefully next year - it will be with a Mac.

UPDATE @ 8:00am EST, 07.23: well, it looks like I can access the admin portion of my site from my work PC. Go figure.

Well, my blog provider has decided to mess things up quite royally. An upgrade to the admin portion of the site has locked me out - from both my work PC and my home PC. I'm using The Hubby's PC to put up this post.

I am most displeased. Until I can figure out the problem, I can't post anything. So all 2 of you will have to sit tight. But the sad fact is that I may have to shut down the blog.

Stay tuned.

As is true with most Friday's lately - I got nuthin.  There is alot going on out there, but I just don't have the stamina to write about any of it today.

Blogging won't be light today - it will be non-existent.

For the weekend, I'm hoping to do alot of what you see here - dozing, sleeping, resting, whatever. Although I do have a new obssesion - making my own jewelry - so I'm hoping to spend a little time putting into reality designs I already have in my head. I'm using mostly semi-precious stones plus natural stones like agate, obsidian, quartz, etc... It's fascinating and time consuming - but in a very good way. I get lost in the design process, let alone the actual construction. It's a terrific creative outlet.

Whatever I'm doing this weekend, I'll be indoors, in the air conditioning of my house, avoiding the oppressive heat and humidity. I have bad asthma, which is no fun at the best of times. Add humidity and I'm not in good shape.

Hope you all have a great weekend!

Over 26 years ago, 2 people met by chance in a college classroom. He was a senior taking Calculus - as an elective! - and she was a freshman, struggling thru that same class - one she tried to get out of taking. They had a mutual friend who helped the girl arrange to meet the boy (she being rather outgoing and he being more-than-a-little shy).

They dated for 3 months, then he moved to another state. They kept up their romance long-distance - never easy but always worth it. It was known by both of them for months before he formally asked "the question" - that they would spend the rest of their lives together.

On July 16, 1983 - a whopping 25 years ago - the boy and girl started that life together. That couple is, of course, The Hubby and I.

We've taken every smile and every tear, a few differences of opinion, some major triumphs and several minor miracles - and turned them into something very beautiful. Very beautiful indeed.

Our lives have been blessed with good and not-so-good times. I say the latter because when you can come thru those not-so-good times, they make the good times even more of a blessing. It's corny, yes; but very true nonetheless. We've had more than our fair share of struggles - family, friends, ourselves. The one constant thru it all has been our fierce devotion to each other.

On our wedding night, The Hubby made me a stunning promise - that he would make me laugh everyday for the rest of our lives. And even in some of our darkest hours, he's done that for me. For us.

25 years ago we said "I Do". And while we truly celebrated like rock stars in early June - we are taking our day to celebrate privately and quietly. A day at the beach - just the 2 of us and the sun, surf and sand. Holding hands, taking long walks on the beach. It's our idea of a perfect day - just one in a 25-year-long string of them.

About a week ago, personal blog obsession Neptunus Lex did a post about sexual harassment, referencing an article in the UK Daily Mail online. It spoke about how many men feel they are sexually harassed by women and how many of them report it.

Most men are sexually harassed by women at work  -  but are afraid to complain to their employer, say researchers.  Four out of five male workers had experienced such harassment from a female colleague, according to a study for employment law firm Peninsula. Two-thirds of the 2,300 men questioned also said that sexual banter was inappropriate at work.

I agree with that last statement - there is nothing appropriate about sexual conversations in the workplace, from either men or women.  And I do know that some men are legitimately harassed by women at work.

In our P.C. world, I do wonder what the men in the Daily Mail article really consider as sexual harassment. The odd naughty joke? Perhaps a woman who dresses a little bit suggestively?

I have very definite opinions on what constitutes sexual harassment, as I was a victim of the very worst kind about 13 years ago.

My boss at that time - Satan - was charismatic, wildly successful, young, funny and yes, sexy in that way that very successful people can be. Satan really was terrific to be around - his energy and passion for living were contagious and enjoyable. But Satan was also a master manipulator - subtle, sneaky, deadly.

I was his assistant - the closest relationship a person can have with their boss. I was his right hand; I knew what he would need before he knew he'd need it. We were a powerful team. BUT - I had a serious self esteem issue and he saw that immediately - and took advantage of it.

I was young, insecure of my place in the world, unsure of who I was. Here comes Satan - making me believe that no one else trusted me or believed in me, except him. He broke me down to nothing; I allowed him to make me feel worthless and powerless over my own life (it took me 3 years of intensive talk-therapy to be able to admit that I enabled him).

Once he broke my spirit - a process that took about 12 months - he started to build me up. Seriously, he was good. Flattery, huge raises, bonuses - you name it.  All the perks that a powerful and successful person can provide. Even made sure I was the first Branch Administrator to go on the annual company sales trip to Bermuda.

Satan got a huge promotion by leaving the company we worked for - and I, the poor deluded soul I was - went with him. It was another big raise, lots of prestige, my own private office. He was the #3 man in a venerable telecommunications company; I got all the reflected glory that goes with that.

For about 18 months, it was wonderful. We were a tight team - truly a partnership. At least that's how it seemed to me. The harassment had started long before that, in very insidious ways. The odd shoulder massage, blowing kisses to me as he left for a business trip. Taking me to expensive lunches. And so much more. I was so wrapped up in this new image I had of myself - totally created by Satan - that if I registered any of his behaviour as inappropriate, I dismissed it.

Then my dad died. It truly was a life-altering experience in so many very fundamental ways. All the ones you expect of course, but others that you don't. My dad was the bedrock of my life - I never made any decisions without consulting him. Not that he demanded that - I trusted his judgment and opinion.  Even after I was married for over 10 years The Hubby and I continued to seek out his counsel and advice. Dad never steered me wrong.

My view of the world took on a different hue after he died. It's an old saying but it's true - the time I worked for Satan was a rose-colored-glasses time. The death of my beloved dad caused those glasses to fall off - and show Satan for what he truly was.

If I didn't come to it myself, something that occurred about 2 months after my dad died really woke me up: no one at work had sent me any sympathy cards, no flowers, no gestures of support and understanding. It puzzled and hurt me very much. By all outward appearances I was well liked at all levels of the company. And yet, nothing. Eventually, the CFO of the company couldn't stand it anymore and came to me, all concerned about how I was doing. It prompted me to ask him "why hasn't anyone else asked me?".  He said that Satan had told everyone I had asked for no expressions of sympathy, that I was just too distraught to deal with them at work. 

I did no such thing.  When I told the CFO that Satan had lied, he was horrified. Almost immediately the expressions of sympathy poured in.

It was then that I realized Satan was, well - Satan.  So I started to push back on all the little things - the neck massages, the inappropriate jokes, etc...  That only emboldened him to do more. And he was no longer subtle either - it became very obvious. The neck massages started to become back massages. The inappropriate jokes and blowing kisses started to become forced conversations about our future together.

Then - in the middle of a meeting with him in his office with the door closed - he stood up, said "Excuse me" and unzipped his pants. Dropped them to his knees claiming he needed to tuck in his shirt. It happened so fast that all I could do was turn my back to him - he was not pleased.

The threats started after that.  The dirty talk continued and whenever I'd tell him I was leaving a meeting because of the dirty talk, he'd say "Don't forget, I know where you live".  Considering that he was Italian, from NY and indeed "connected & protected" - I considered it a valid threat.

Two more threats were made before I had enough. I just wanted it to end. The company we were working for was being sold and everything was topsy turvy. All I wanted to do was leave quietly.

The CEO of the company had other ideas. He knew something had been going on, he knew I was very unhappy and he promised me he'd protect me if I told them what was happening. I trusted him and the H.R. Director, so I told them everything.

Huge mistake! They put me on a paid leave of absence, forbid me to talk to anyone about what had happened, but never put a muzzle on Satan. Given my abrupt departure - and our outward good partnership - people started asking him questions about where I was. Was I OK. What had happened. So he told them this:

I had declared my love for him, told him I wanted to leave my husband and marry him. And that he had rejected me, resulting in me having a nervous breakdown.

I shit you not. I found this out several months later.

The company did an "investigation" that resulted in nothing at all. He kept his job, I was told to return to the company or leave with a small settlement, whilst signing my rights away to ever sue them. I took the paltry settlement - believe me I just wanted to put it behind me so I could start recovering.

Me? Three years of therapy - paid for out of my pocket - to come to terms with how I enabled him. Money well spent as I am no longer the poor deluded soul who allowed someone like him to break me.

Satan? He collected a $250,000 bonus upon the sale of the company and became a full partner in a new company started by the former owners.

Karma bit him in the ass about a year later. Satan was caught, on tape, doing to someone else what he did to me. He was summarily fired, his partnership nulled and his future in telecommunications destroyed, as the former owners were significant heavyweights in the industry. He tried to sue them for breach of contract and wrongful termination - he lost.

So don't talk to me about sexual harassment taking the form of the odd naughty joke or off color remark. Until you've had your boss or coworker undress in front of you, touch you inappropriately and threaten your life - you have no idea what harassment really is.